Wasting Time

A seminary friend introduced me to Jennifer Knapp. I’ve been haunted by these lyrics of hers lately, from Say Won’t You Say:

every morning I
have a chance to rise and
give my all
but every afternoon i find i have only wasted time
in light of your awe – say won’t you say

Its been a long week around here – I’m not used to lengthy meetings and business travel anymore. Maybe I never was? Still, I had some grandiose ideas for what I would do with four days “on my own.” There were sermons to start, workshops to plan, networking to be done.

In reality, I just came home exhausted – from the traveling, from the change in how I spent my days, and a little bit from staying up (far too) late with colleagues and friends. I didn’t get a head start on this week’s work, or even get caught up on last week’s work. I didn’t do as much networking or planning as I would have liked for the province group.

But I managed to speak up a few times when I felt called – and did so well, maybe 80% of the time. I caught up with an old seminary friend I don’t see much of anymore. I thought hard about some theology differences. Bliss did me a favor and has not so far paid me back for leaving with sleepless nights and tantrums. (Hallelujah, Hallelujah!).

My all isn’t what I think its always going to be when I wake up in the morning. Grace seems to be the gap between what I thought I could do and the voice of God saying “enough for today.”


About mommymergent

Joyfully living as momma to Miss Bliss, serving the Episcopal Church as priest, and reluctantly becoming part of the mysterious emergent church
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