Wasting Time

A seminary friend introduced me to Jennifer Knapp. I’ve been haunted by these lyrics of hers lately, from Say Won’t You Say:

every morning I
have a chance to rise and
give my all
but every afternoon i find i have only wasted time
in light of your awe – say won’t you say

Its been a long week around here – I’m not used to lengthy meetings and business travel anymore. Maybe I never was? Still, I had some grandiose ideas for what I would do with four days “on my own.” There were sermons to start, workshops to plan, networking to be done.

In reality, I just came home exhausted – from the traveling, from the change in how I spent my days, and a little bit from staying up (far too) late with colleagues and friends. I didn’t get a head start on this week’s work, or even get caught up on last week’s work. I didn’t do as much networking or planning as I would have liked for the province group.

But I managed to speak up a few times when I felt called – and did so well, maybe 80% of the time. I caught up with an old seminary friend I don’t see much of anymore. I thought hard about some theology differences. Bliss did me a favor and has not so far paid me back for leaving with sleepless nights and tantrums. (Hallelujah, Hallelujah!).

My all isn’t what I think its always going to be when I wake up in the morning. Grace seems to be the gap between what I thought I could do and the voice of God saying “enough for today.”

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About mommymergent

Joyfully living as momma to Miss Bliss, serving the Episcopal Church as priest, and reluctantly becoming part of the mysterious emergent church
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